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  “Ned, look. We’re different people than we were seven years ago. We have different expectations now, different wants, different needs. And,” he took a breath, “I’m not the right man for you anymore. I’m not that guy who’s going to give you everything that you need and bring out the best in you. The thing is, that guy is out there for you. I know it, and if you really thought about it, you’d know it too. Hell, you’ve probably already thought about it but tossed the thought away because it made you uncomfortable.”

  I lifted my eyes to meet his then. He must have taken that as a good sign because he gave me a small smile and continued on. “I did that for the past year and honestly, I’m tired of being comfortable. I’m done with just being satisfied. So, yeah…I’m an asshole because I made the decision without talking to you first. And no, I didn’t try to salvage what we have. I just…took the step and now, I have to move out of the way so you can see that we weren’t really happy after all. Then you might find the guy who is truly meant for you. And…maybe discover your own happiness without me while you’re at it.”

  Then he searched my eyes looking for…something, I don’t know but when he didn’t find it, he stood, kissed my forehead and then went into the closet. When he came out, he had my reinforced gun box under his arm.

  “I’m just going to take this for now. Just until you are sure you aren’t dreaming.” He blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “I know you’re angry with me right now and probably even hate me. Trust me—I know that I deserve all of that hate. I just want you to think about what I said. Really think about it. You’ll realize, in time, that you agree more than you know.”

  I didn’t respond and eventually, he stopped waiting and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I don’t know how long I sat there in that empty room, still wearing the tank top and soiled bikini panties from my “mission”. It felt like a lifetime had passed with how quickly my world was turned upside down.

  How in the hell did a quest for sex with my husband turn into a gotdamn divorce?

  Chapter Two

  Nedra

  When Your Tribe Won't Let You Drown

  “Aww boo, why didn’t you call me?”

  I looked up from the triple-layer chocolate cake that I had just placed on a rotating cake stand and saw one of my best girlfriends standing in the archway of the kitchen. She stood arms akimbo with her hands fisted upon her wide hips. Shanice was a classic coke bottle shape, where I was more of a two-liter. I know I looked good, there was just more of me to admire.

  I smiled, wiped my hands on my apron, and walked over to give her a hug. I was immensely happy to see her round, impish face.

  The past few weeks had consisted of me dodging all attempts at communication from everyone but my mama and granny, and I had just reached the point where I was sick of hearing my own thoughts. I felt like I was falling into a pit of depression, and I knew that I needed to let my two boos know what was going on with me. Figuring out how to tell the two women who’d known me throughout the entire development of Chris and my relationship had been harder than I expected.

  It was easy to avoid telling Ashton since she was in a completely different timezone. Shanice was a different story. We usually spoke to each other every day and saw each other several times a week. Dipping out on her had been a lesson in ninja skills. My reverie came to a halt as one of the women in question took it upon herself to come see me.

  “Hey, Niecy, girl! What are you doing up from under Daddy Byron?” I stepped back as I teased her. I was still tickled at how she blushed when I mentioned how her new man—who was significantly younger than her—gave her grown man dick. Today was Sunday, and she usually spent Sundays in bed and quite literally under her young tender, Byron.

  Picking up the offset spatula I had abandoned, I pointed at a barstool and motioned for her to have a seat. She passed up the stool and came to stand next to me. Her skin, the color of red clay, was free of makeup and I could clearly see her redden at my quip.

  “Don’t call him that! And for your information, I received an emergency phone call that was important enough to pull me from the warmth of my bed and my boo.”

  I gave her a sidelong glance as I mixed the resulting crumbs from trimming the cake with a third of the whipped cream frosting I had made from scratch. As I applied the layer of crumb coat, I asked the obvious question.

  “What was the emergency?”

  She tilted her head at me. “That my best friend was getting a divorce.”

  I froze mid-stir as tears instantly pricked my eyes. I dropped my head back and stared at the ceiling in a weak attempt to keep them at bay.

  Shit.

  Niecy laid her head on my shoulder and rubbed the middle of my back. “Imagine my surprise at having to hear this news from her sister-in-law, a woman we all know doesn’t like me.”

  I huffed out a laugh at the thinly veiled shade she threw at me. “Niecy…”

  She held up a hand. “Don’t try to tell me any different. That girl practically hates me.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “No, I wasn’t going to do that. She really can’t stand your ass.” I would never lie about that. After Ashton finished school on the east coast, she landed a job and never moved back home. That one year that Shanice and I shared a dorm room as freshmen brought us extremely close, and Ashton got tired of hearing me talk about the girl who she felt encroached on her position as my best friend.

  It was what it was. Even after leaving school, Shanice became my other best friend, and Ashton never held back her opinion on that whenever we talked on the phone and I mentioned Shanice, especially when she made the trip back home. I would often try to get the three of us together so that I wouldn’t have to split my free time between the two of them. Although she’d thawed some, more than a decade later, Ashton still felt some way about it. So, to hear that she had actually voluntarily called Shanice was mind-boggling.

  “Yeah, well, she called me at the ass-crack of dawn, breaking news that should have come from you. Why’d you tell her and not me?”

  I released a deep sigh as I twirled the cake on the turntable, inspecting the completed crumb coat. “I didn’t tell her,” I murmured. “She must have heard from Chris.” I carried the rotating cake stand over to the refrigerator and put it on the shelf I had cleared for the exact purpose.

  “Oh, shit.”

  I nodded at her sentiment. “Yeah.” Chris was already informing his family that he was leaving me. He didn’t waste any time. It had only been a few weeks, but I guess that’s just how secure he was with his decision.

  When I turned from the fridge, I jumped at Shanice’s proximity. She stood right behind me, her face the picture of sympathy. Her arms wrapped around me tightly and reflexively, my own encircled her in return.

  “What happened? I feel like I just saw y’all all loved up on each other at dinner the other week.”

  I shook my head and stepped out of her embrace. “It definitely wasn’t the other week. But honestly, girl? I don’t know. He just came out of left field with this one.”

  “Damn; and you didn’t have any inclination that he wasn’t happy? That something was brewing?”

  “No. That’s what fucks me up the most. I thought we were good. I mean, yeah, he was spending more and more time at work, volunteering to work every game for every fucking sport they offered at that damn school but shit. I thought he just loved his damn job. Loved working with those kids. It didn’t occur to me that he was trying to avoid me.”

  Shanice looked at me thoughtfully. “What about you?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. I know she’s not asking me what it sounds like she was asking me. “What about me?”

  One of her brows lifted at my attitude. “Had you been having any second thoughts before he asked for a divorce?”

  My chest lifted as I sucked in an angry breath. “Hell no! I had planned to be married to that nigga until I left this fucking earth! I mean
t my vows when I said them!”

  She held up her hands in surrender. “I know you did. I was there, remember?”

  “If you knew that then why would you fix your mouth to ask me some shit like that? I love that man! Would do anything for him, including sucking the skin off his dick and scrubbing his shit-stained drawers! I go to the doctor like clockwork for birth control because he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad, but I would have given him kids at the drop of a hat if he would have said he wanted them. I love that man with everything that is in me, and to find out that that love ain’t enough—that I ain’t enough—hurts! It. Hurts. Niecy. I gave him all of me, and he threw that shit back in my face and said ‘Nah, I’m good’. My heart is broken, and you brought your ass over here asking me if I wanted this too when all I'm trying to do is keep my head above water.”

  My face was covered in snot and tears, and my voice cracked on those last few words, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was to bury my head under the covers and not emerge until everything was back to normal or the world ended. Whichever came first.

  Shanice’s hands covered her mouth, but I saw that she also had a face full of tears. She shook her head before pulling me back into a tight hug. She squeezed me for a full minute without saying a word, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed that hug because a wave of emotions washed over me and the dam broke as I sobbed into her shoulder.

  She cried, “I’m sorry.”

  She whispered, “I’m here.”

  She affirmed, “I got you.”

  And when my tears tapered off, I took a deep breath and pulled out of her embrace for a second time that morning. I reached into a drawer for a clean kitchen towel and pressed it against my face. For a moment, I just inhaled and exhaled deeply into the cloth. When I felt like I would be able to look at my friend without shedding more tears, I dropped the cloth on the counter and reclaimed my abandoned position in front of the counter.

  Shanice finished dabbing at her cheeks with a napkin and once again hugged my side.

  “I know how much you love him, and I’m sorry that he hurt you. You know you’re going to be okay, right?”

  I shook my head as I bent my neck and touched my temple to the top of her head. I didn’t know that I would be okay. All I’d known for so long was how to be a part of a couple. To be Chris’ other half. Years before we were married, I was his and now, abruptly, I was supposed to figure out how to be something else. I’d live, sure, but whether or not I’d be okay was to be determined.

  Shanice leaned back until she could see my face. “You’re coming to stay with me.”

  I sputtered a laugh and ironically, a couple of errant tears I’d thought were all released spilled down my cheeks. Lifting the corner of my apron, I flipped it over and wiped my face. I shook my head. Again.

  “Thank you Niecy, but I’m not leaving. This is my house, and he’s not going to run me out of it. My name is on the deed just like his.”

  She pursed her lips, and I knew she wanted to argue with me. “Nedra, I know you don’t want to leave your home, but I really don’t think this will be a healthy environment for you.”

  I rolled my eyes and stepped away from her to go dump the remaining crumb filled frosting in the trash can in the corner. “Girl, what are you talking about? I’ll be fine. Just like he acted like nothing was wrong for two weeks before telling me he’d filed for a divorce, Chris’ll behave himself until this thing is over.”

  I heard her suck in a breath, and I mentally cursed. I guess Chris had failed to inform his sister about that little tidbit.

  “That fool did what?”

  I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Well, that’s sure as hell not true! That’s some shady ass shit and something I would never have expected from Chris! What the hell was he thinking?!”

  I could almost feel the heat from her, fuming behind me, and surprisingly, it brought a small smile to my face. It felt good to have someone in my corner, to be just as angry on my behalf.

  “You know I’m not happy about this, right?” She leaned against the counter with her arms folded as she stared me down.

  I shrugged again. “You’ll be alright.”

  She sighed dramatically and straightened, dropping her arms to her side. “Just know that if at any moment, you change your mind, my home is open to you. You don’t even have to ask; you have a key; use it.”

  My throat felt too tight for me to respond verbally, so I nodded my understanding. I had no plans to abandon the house that I had single-handedly made into a home until the ink was dry on the divorce decree, but I would do whatever I could—within reason—to appease my friend who was only trying to look out for me. That singular chin drop must have been enough for her because she hugged my side and kissed my cheek before stepping back and nodding at the bowl of fresh frosting on the counter.

  “So, uh…when is this cake going to be done?”

  I laughed wetly, grateful for the change of subject. “In a little bit.” I tossed my chin in the direction of the fridge. “That crumb coat needs to get firm before I can put the final layer of frosting on it, then we can eat.”

  She grinned and rubbed her hands together. “Cool, then you can join me for lunch at The Greenery. It’s this new restaurant in the Heights that everyone on that review app loves, so I’ve been tasked with giving my professional opinion.”

  “Ooh yesssss! I’m down for that.”

  I was glad to have something to look forward to. Shanice was a food critic for a popular magazine and often invited me to tag along on her assignments. Food and I were BFFs, so I was always a more than willing participant. I used that as inspiration to finish the cake quickly, removing it from the refrigerator and throwing an almost sloppy final coat of frosting on it.

  With instructions for Shanice to help herself to the cake, I ran upstairs to change clothes and wash my face of all traces of tears and despair. I had no plans to lament on what to wear and without deliberation, I had thrown on an oversized sweater and a pair of dark rinse skinny jeans tucked into calf-high boots. I completed the look with large, wooden earrings, dangling from my ears, and with a quick run of the brush over my tapered fade, I was downstairs in less than fifteen minutes.

  I don’t know what I was expecting, but The Greenery was not that. We parked on the street and walked along the sidewalk until we reached what looked like an older craftsman style home. The path to the porch seemed to be dropped smack dab in the middle of a garden. On either side were clusters of flowers. It looked like an English garden the way there were no rows and so many different varieties of flowers were cropped together. My eye caught on a large stone fountain in the corner of the yard with water flowing from a cherub’s mouth.

  As we approached the steps to the porch, I noticed a small group of people standing to the left of the door. In the center of the group was a man who stood more than a foot taller than the two women on either side of him who were tucked under his arms. The three of them were smiling for a fourth person, a man just as tall as the one opposite him but significantly broader, who held a cell phone in his hands as he took a picture. Well, the women were smiling. The man in the middle had the hood of his sweatshirt pulled down over his head and covering more than half of his face. Hm. Probably a baller.

  They finished their picture and entered the building before we hit the landing but failed to hold the door open for us, even though we were just behind them. I frowned as Shanice grabbed the handle of the door before it closed in her face.

  “Damn, they can hold the door for some blond bitches, but they don’t see us, huh?”

  Shanice whipped her head around and regarded me with wide eyes at my outburst.

  “Nedra!”

  I bucked my eyes at her. “What? Am I lying?”

  She shook her head and continued on through the two sets of doors before stopping at a hostess stand. She angled her head at me and whispered, “I don’t think the big guy saw us; he was trying to the catch
the second door before he was left behind.”

  I sucked my teeth. “Okay, Niecy. If you say so.”

  We were greeted and led to a table in a moderately full section. I looked around the room. It looked like the entire front end of what used to be someone’s home had been converted to a dining area. There couldn’t have been more than twenty tables in the cozy space with a five-foot frosted glass partition splitting the space down the middle and separating the tables into two sections. What was once an attic was now an impressively high ceiling with exposed beams.

  The floors were a wood that was distressed to look like the original flooring of the house. On each table was a jar of succulents and a carafe of ice water, and hanging above each table was a small pendant light that cast a warm yellow glow. The entire space just felt earthy and natural. I relaxed and poured myself a glass of water, sipping the cool beverage before opening up the menu I had yet to touch.

  Um…what?

  I flipped through the pages of the menu before casting a glare at Shanice. “I think you forgot to mention a significant detail of this restaurant to me, Niecy.”

  Her eyebrows lifted dramatically in a fake ass attempt to look innocent. “What you mean, boo?”

  I didn’t even answer; I just narrowed my eyes at her. She giggled and shrugged.

  “The Greenery is a vegetarian spot, Ned.”

  “Okay, why didn’t you tell me that?”

  “I didn’t think I had to. You’re always down no matter the cuisine.”

  “Well yeah, but I don’t know if I can handle white people’s vegetarian. They like to create weird stuff out of vegetables and I’m not trying to eat science experiments today.”

  Shanice threw her head back and hooted with laughter. “Nedra! For real?”

  I gave her a dumb look.

  Amused, she rolled her eyes. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. The Greenery is black-owned. As a matter of fact, the same restaurant group who owns Capital Grill owns this place.”