To Break a Vow Page 14

  “Yes.”

  Blood rushed through my ears, and I thought that maybe I had known that already. It made more sense than the other scenarios. Who the hell had I been kidding with that damn secret agent nonsense? This wasn’t a straight-to-DVD rom-com. Long, slick fingers brushed against my exposed asshole, transferring the cool wetness onto me before pressing against me and slipping inside, first one then the other, until two fingers scissored inside of me, stretching me, getting me ready.

  He tapped my thigh. “Open up for me, baby.”

  I wanted to scream at him to do the same thing, but when the head of his dick brushed against my seldom-used hole, I lifted my legs in the air, grabbing the backs of my knees and putting all of me on display for him without a shred of shame. The anticipation took too much thought for me to worry about anything other than deep breathing and remembering to push out as he pushed in. And after the initial burn of his head popping through the ring of nerves and he slid home, I was once again able to think of anything else. That’s when a single tear fell from my eye.

  Turning my head to the mattress, I tried to hide my face from him, hoping he was lost in the sensation and wasn’t focusing on me anyway but no such luck. He reached toward me, grabbing my chin and turning my face back to him. The concern in his eyes gutted me and flamed my anger at the same time. How could you hurt me and worry about me in the same breath?

  “Baby,” he grunted, barely able to contain the pleasure in his voice, and he pulled back and slowly pushed his entire length back into me. I gasped, arching off the bed. It never ceased to amaze me how full I felt when he took me this way.

  Another tear slipped from my eye as he reached for the dildo and switched it on causing the apparatus to start trembling violently. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He frowned, confusion etched across his features, and he stared at me for a beat before recognition—and regret—lighted his eyes. “Baby,” he said again, this time as he slowly filled my clenching pussy with the dildo. “I was talking about you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever been married to.”

  Oh. Duh, bitch.

  I groaned, wanting to cover my face with my hands as shame and embarrassment washed over me, but I couldn’t release my legs. My only defense was to squeeze my eyes shut and hope that we could forget my moment of insanity.

  He twisted the dildo, causing it to rest against a spot inside of me that made my eyes fly open and my mouth gape wide as I cried out.

  “Yeah,” he drawled, triumph coating his tone. “That’s it.”

  Satisfied with my response to his ministrations, Jereth sped up his thrusts, taking them from shallow to deep and searching while being careful not to move the dildo from its prime location.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The strained words brought my eyes down from the canopy to meet Jereth’s gaze.

  “I’m sorry you thought there was someone else. I’m sorry that my actions made you think there could be someone else.”

  My orgasm rushed toward me like a bullet train and I tried to keep my eyes from rolling to the back of my head, to stay in this moment with him, but damn if he didn’t make it difficult.

  “What do I have to do to make it up to you? Whatever it is, tell me.”

  “Just—just let me—in.”

  He nodded. “Done.”

  My climax crashed into me, doing 200 miles an hour, and my back bowed off of the bed as my body convulsed, clenching so tightly that Jereth’s dick was shoved out of my ass. Within a matter of seconds, he tossed the dildo aside, snatched the condom off, and flipped me on my stomach before entering my pulsating pussy. Gripping my arms, he lifted me up until I was almost kneeling and wrapped a firm hand around my throat, the space between his pointer and thumb pressing up against my esophagus. As he pounded into me from behind, I cried out until the slight lack of oxygen made me dizzy and I dropped my head back onto his shoulder.

  He kissed below my ear. “How can I have another wife when my mind is consumed with you in every waking moment?”

  I whimpered, my eyelids fluttering, as the sound of skin slapping together permeated the room.

  Licking a trail down the column of my neck, he bit me where the base met my shoulder, his hand pressing in on my throat, slowly driving me insane with the painpleasure. “Why would I go elsewhere when everything I need is right here? Huh?”

  Why indeed?

  I couldn’t think straight. My brain was muddled, vision blurry, and that same train was returning to the station; only this time, it was at the speed of light, bearing down on me faster than I could move out of the way. It happened so quickly. His thrusts became erratic; his pacing was off, and then he was frozen behind me, panting my name in my ear as he came inside me. One moment, I let out a drawn-out moan, unable to formulate any words, seizing in his arms as Jereth brought me to a second orgasm; the next, I was blacked out, floating in subspace.

  When I regained consciousness, we were in my garden tub filled with water, my back against his chest as he dragged a soapy cloth across my skin. Needing to move my limbs, I raised my arms above my head and stretched.

  “Hey, sleepyhead.”

  Grinning at his teasing tone, I wriggled my body against his. The things this man could do to my body should be criminal, but I wouldn’t turn him in even if they were.

  “I wasn’t asleep.”

  “You were snoring.”

  “What did you expect me to do? You knocked me out!”

  A moment of silence passed then, “Say that again.”

  I laughed, not at all too proud to stroke his ego since he’d stroked me quite well however long ago. “You and your heavyweight champion dick knocked me the fuck out.”

  “You damn straight.” Laughing, he tightened his arms around me, and we chilled in the warm water, content with enjoying the silence for a while. It was quiet, but I could feel him thinking and I wondered if he was going to speak first or would I have to.

  “As you know, I’m the middle child of three boys.” I nodded. He’d told me that the night I met him. “Well, as a middle child, I never had anything to myself. It was almost like I didn’t have an identity, in a way. I got J’s old things but only had them for a moment before I had to pass them down to Hawk. Very rarely did I get something that was just for me, so when I did, I tended to keep it close to the chest, to hide it away so that my brothers wouldn’t see it and want it too.”

  A picture began to form in my head of a young Jereth, hoarding away a treat or toy. His actions over the past year became clearer.

  “I guess, unconsciously, I was doing the same thing with you. It was never my intention to make you feel hidden away, but you have to understand; I know my family. The moment my mother knows about you, she’s going to swoop in and consume you. She’ll pull you into the Hawkins fold, and you won’t just be mine anymore. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to share you. But I know that I can’t keep you to myself forever, so I’ll work on bringing these two parts of my life together. Okay?”

  Spinning around, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, trying to show him without words how much it meant to me that he would put himself out there on my behalf. He must have gotten the message because his hands gripped my ass and rocked my hips against his own. The need for oxygen made us break apart, and he stared at me with dazed eyes.

  “I don’t want you to ever question your place in my life again. Do you hear me?”

  And I nodded, grateful that we’d finally had this conversation and excited to be let into his life.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When Gold-Plated Is Really Trash In Disguise

  How long did it take to meld two halves of your life together? Weeks had passed since Jereth’s and my heart-to-heart, yet I hadn’t seen any changes from him. He still left town every few days for work and returned with an insatiable hunger that I loved. He still attended our family dinners and Wisdom’s games. He still took me on dates to nice dinners and basketball games when the
Clutch was in town. But…that was it. Nothing had changed.

  From the way he described his mother, I expected her to arrive in town immediately after finding out about me and…well, I don’t know what I expected her to do once she arrived, but the arrival was the point. I didn’t receive so much as a phone call, and I was pissed about it. Had he even told her yet? Did any of his family know about me besides Jeremiah?

  Oh, and speaking of Jeremiah, I hadn’t heard from him since the surprise party and had only heard his name a few times since then. Come to think of it, I hadn’t even heard Jereth talking on the phone to any of his family members in the entire time we’d been together. Granted, he rarely used the phone at all, but if you were going to introduce your wife to your family that lived out of state, wouldn’t you use a phone call as the first means of introduction?

  I blinked rapidly as the sound of my son’s laughter broke me out of my reverie.

  “Mama, you’re losing.”

  Glancing down, I noticed that he’d sunk the eight ball into the side pocket, winning the game of pool that we’d been playing.

  “Way to go, baby.”

  He rolled his eyes, leaning on the pool cue. “You weren’t even paying attention.”

  “The win doesn’t count if you didn’t put up a fight.”

  “Exactly!” He turned to high-five Tasha, who’d given her unsolicited two cents.

  Sighing, I laid my cue on the felt. “I’m sorry, baby. I guess I am just too far gone in my thoughts right now.”

  “Aww man.” His shoulders slumped and I felt even worse. I’d promised myself that I would never put a man before my son, and here I was letting him down because I had a dishonest man on my mind. I was a damn fool.

  I shot my sister a desperate look, which she deciphered quickly because she jumped up from the couch and grabbed my abandoned pool cue.

  “I hope you enjoyed that warm-up because that game you just played with your mama was child’s play compared to the whooping I’m about to lay on you.” She winked at me before none too gently nudging me out of the way with a bump of her hips.

  “Y’all have fun,” I called as I started in the direction of the stairs, but Wisdom had already begun racking the balls and didn’t even hear me.

  Deciding to get a head start on dinner, I was almost into the kitchen when the sound of the deadbolt disengaging diverted my attention to the front door. The door swung inward, and there stood Jereth, holding a pair of boots in one hand and the handles of his duffel in the other.

  That fucking duffel bag.

  I remember when Wisdom had asked me if Jereth was going to move in with us when I confirmed that I had gotten married. At the time, I had told him that I didn’t know, but in my heart, I had been hoping that the answer would become a yes. We’d jumped into this thing in an unconventional way, but that didn’t have to mean that our entire marriage had to be unconventional. I wanted to live with my husband, as man and wife, and at the same time, I didn’t want to move out of my house. It was perfect for my family, and I would never put my sisters in a bad position by snatching what had also become their home from up under them.

  I guess you could say that I had the audacity to hope that things would happen the way I wanted. After four months passed and it didn’t seem like Jereth was going to propose moving in, I discussed the situation with both of my sisters, getting their approval before I made my move. As soon as Tasha gave me the go-ahead and Toya begrudgingly said, “Fine, let that nigga move in”, I cleaned out half of my closet and had a key made for him. He’d filled in the empty space with clothes, but it still didn’t feel right. Things were off, like being at an extended stay hotel. Yeah, your things were in the drawers, your toothbrush on the counter, but you knew there was a check-out date.

  It felt like he was waiting to check out on me, and the sight of that fucking duffel bag incensed me.

  Placing his shoes on the rack and dropping the duffel on the floor, he crossed the room and pulled me into his arms for a hug, sliding his palm up to cradle my nape as he tilted my head back and kissed me as if he’d missed me. It was a feat, not melting into his embrace. When he broke our connection, warm chestnut browns smiled down at me as he touched his forehead to mine. It was a tender moment, but I couldn’t enjoy it.

  “Where do you keep your stuff?” I blurted. “All I ever see you carry is that little duffel bag.”

  A light chuckle fell from his lips. “I don’t really keep a lot of ‘stuff’. Too many material things make it difficult to be a nomad.”

  I stiffened in his arms. Something about his word choice stuck to my brain like a wad of chewed-up gum on the bottom of my bare foot. “A nomad?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Like,” I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat, “someone who travels constantly?”

  “Uh, well…”

  “Like…a rolling stone?”

  He leaned back, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own as if he was searching for something. “No. Not like that at all.”

  “Or exactly like that.” That burning sensation that indicated an onslaught of tears pricked at my eyes, and I tried to pull out of his arms before anything could fall.

  “Baby, look at me.” He threaded his fingers through mine and used them to tug me back against his chest. “That’s not me. My hat is only laid here with you. My home is here with you. You are my home.”

  I heard him speak, saw his lips form the words as they came out of his mouth, but they weren’t tangible; I couldn’t grasp them and hold them up to the light to check for authenticity.

  “Where's your car when you leave for a business trip? You never leave it here, and you never ask me to drop you off at the airport.

  “Baby.”

  That time, I was successful in unlinking our fingers and pulling out of his arms. I walked out of the doorway of the kitchen and into our—no, that’s not right—my bedroom, Jereth quick on my heels. I breezed into the closet aimlessly, not having a purpose to be in there, just trying to get away from that “baby” that fell from his too luscious lips.

  “When I’m in a rush, I just park at the airport and pay the fee.”

  His words—his excuse—assaulted my ears, and I swung around to reenter the bedroom, almost colliding into him as he placed the contents of his vest onto his nightstand.

  “When you’re in a rush? What about when you have all the time in the world? When you’re not rushing? Where is your car when you have hours to spare before you have to board the plane?”

  He sighed. “Sometimes, it's at my brother's house. Parked in his garage.”

  My eyes widened in incredulity. “Your brother's house? So, you drive the eight hours to Pine Bluff, Arkansas before flying out every time? Are you using a private plane or something?”

  He grabbed my hands in his. “Baby, where is this coming from?”

  It didn’t go unnoticed that he had avoided answering me. “I am asking the questions, Jereth, and here's another question. Why are you avoiding answering me?”

  “It's not that I'm avoiding anything, baby; it's just that I'm getting a very unpleasant vibe coming off of you and right now, the most important task laid out ahead of me is to make sure that we are okay. I want to make sure that we’re both level-headed and our spirits are free and clear of anger so when we do have a discussion, we don't end up saying things that we don't mean.”

  My top lip curled. Was he really trying to lay the good vibrations line on me? “That sounds like a load of bullshit.”

  He flinched as if I had spit on him. “Wow. There we go; it's already begun.”

  I yanked away from him and crossed the room, putting some much needed distance between us. “Don't try to turn this around on me! I'm asking you simple questions, the kind of questions that I probably should have asked you before we even got to this place that we’re in now, with you checking in and out of my house like this is the Moonlight Motel where you can stay for twenty dollars an hour!”

  Spre
ading his arms wide, he looked at me in confusion. “I thought we were working on—”

  With my door closed, I was free to yell without worrying about my son or sister hearing me upstairs and yell I did. “No, you are supposed to be working on it! I have done my part. I've opened up my home to you; I've opened up my life to you. You've met my parents, my sisters, my son, my uncles, aunts, cousins, my grandparents. Hell, you've even met my damn gynecologist! But I can't say anything of the sort when it comes to you. I don't know anything about you, Jereth, and despite me begging you for information, you refuse to even give me crumbs. I haven’t asked you for money; I haven’t asked about your sexual history; I haven’t asked for your arrest record. All I asked is for you to be real with me, and I can't even get that.”

  Those chestnut browns bored into me, pleading and full of misery. “Baby, please. Tonya. Listen to me.” He took a few steps in my direction, but I moved backward until my back hit the bathroom door. The look on his face would have gutted me if I hadn’t steeled myself for this conversation. Sad about me not wanting to be touched? He would deal. “I'm being as real with you as I know how to be. This is me; I promise it is. The other stuff that you're talking about, it's not me. That's accoutrement; it's on the fringes. But it has nothing to do with us. You didn't marry my family; you didn't marry material things, you married me, and I give you me without hesitation. Every day I give you me.”

  Shaking my head, I wiped at my wet cheeks. “That's the thing; you can't give me all of you when you're holding a large part of you to your chest. And isn't that what you're doing? You still have never even shown your whole hand, and here we are, married more than a year and there is still so much I don't know about you. How do you think that makes me feel, Jereth?” I choked on my last words, tears clogging my throat.

  “I don't know, baby. I don't know; I don't know. I know what I want you to feel. I want you to feel like I feel but I don't—I don't know.” He sounded as miserable as I felt and there was a part of me that wanted to say fuck it all and forget this whole obsession with wanting to know anything other than what he was willing to offer if it meant neither of us would hurt like this again. But a bigger part of me, the part that was tired of wondering, tired of guessing, just all-out tired wasn’t going. That part felt like the pain was worth it.